Day ten: 9 May: Horsley Park to London

I had spent at least three hours on the internet looking for a nice cheap B&B in London and eventually decided it was a waste of my precious time, so put a deposit on a place with wifi in Bayswater. The wifi was quite an issue, as heaps of places didn’t have it, and some had it for a ridiculous add on price, while others had never even heard of it. Anyway, I consoled myself, Bayswater is a nice area, so it would be worth paying $100 for. Ha bloody ha.

Francoise directed me to what seemed like a very nice habitation, but on arrival I was told my room had been sold, and I would have to go to their sister place along the road. It seems the three hours on the internet was not well spent after all. Fair enough I said, but how was it that I could book a room with a deposit and not get one? Then I remembered my days as a hotel manager, and knowing the answer, decided not to push it. The sister place was such a close relative that I was asked to pay straight away, but in cash. That really irritated me, as I had fifty quid left for my last day and was planning to spend it wisely on visits to castles and lots of wine. Alas, I was forced to spend it on a lousy hostel, which is what my nice habitation turned out to be. Françoise and I walked to the sister hostel, then up three steep flights of stairs to my room, which turned out to be so far away from reception that wifi couldn’t get to it. In fact it was so high up I got vertigo just looking out the window. However, it had a bed and a basin, a mouldy patch in the corner of the room, and no soap or towel. Here's a review I found of it - it's pretty accurate. I found other reviews that were far worse but I don't want to depress you.

The West Two offers basic accommodation and the furnishings are old and tired. It is poorly maintained, facilities are poor and the atmosphere is depressing.

I sat down and wondered why I hadn’t gone to stay with my lovely cousins in Richmond and then remembered that I had decided to be an independent adult now, this being my third visit to London in three years, and it was probably time I tackled the place in an unsheltered way, on my own, paying for meals and beds and stuff and learning how to get around without advice (except from Francoise). But when I thought about it, I realised none of these features was offered as a virtue by either Socrates or Plato, so perhaps I could lean on rellies after all - just a little.

So I sent them a message to say I was in town, and if they had nothing better to do, I would visit them and return Kieran’s book, The Spiritual Tourist, a wonderful dissertation on various spiritual persons and their astounding feats and personal habits. Then I went and looked for the shoe shop in Kensington High Street where I bought some lovely black boots when I was 22 and lived here, but which finally fell apart at the Hamilton field days a few years back (the boots that is, though I was somewhat under the weather as well). Amazingly it was still there, but selling Mr Clark’s shoes. I also found a marvellous good food shop of several storeys, and was caught photographing the cheese room – apparently the market is so good the owners don’t want anyone to find out about it, and don’t let us take photos. So I can't show it to you. I promised not to. While strolling around Kensington I suddenly remembered my text to Anna, opened my phone, and lo there was a response from her saying to hurry around and say hello. So I scampered back to the B&B to get the book and asked Francoise to take me to Richmond, which she did. I think she likes Richmond.

It was wonderful to see them again, though I only saw two year old Bella very briefly, it being her bed time. However, I did get a chance to catch up with Jeanette, the mother of my cousin’s daughter, and we had a bit of a chat on Skype. It did seem odd that I had to travel to London to talk to her, as we both live in Auckland. She doesn’t see Anna and Kieran and Bella as much as she would like to, and even asked Anna to show her the new bump, which will in due course hatch as another grandchild. Anna and Kieran are very entertaining and welcoming. Kieran cooked up lashings of protein for me, which was a huge relief, as the chefs at Horsley Park thought rice risotto was an adequate evening meal, which I disagreed with, but couldn’t seem to do much about.

By the time I had quaffed a few glasses of wine (Kieran had to go for more supplies), talked to Jeanette, gossiped, mused and attempted to interpret various aspects of life with Anna and Kieran, I realised it was my bedtime, and I had to go 'home'. Kieran wanted to send me in a taxi, but I was brave and took the bus and underground, and in due course Francoise and I found ourselves back at the B&B. I had been clever of course, and asked Francoise to make a note of the location, so we had no trouble finding it again. I have my moments.

I quite like London. I lived there for 18 months in my youth, and was looking forward to seeing other places I would recognise, such as Hammersmith station, St Martin in the Fields (I was in the choir), Charing Cross Station, a number of pubs, and the National Gallery. So even though my ‘hotel’ was cheap and nasty, I was a happy camper and fell once again into a deep and meaningful sleep.

Tomorrow: St Pancras, Park Lane and the gallery, all on ten quid

17 May Hong Kong to Auckland

Today was special, because I was on my way home. Of course I had to be a tourist first, but I had wondered about the joys of Hong Kong for some years, so was happy to delay my return with a stopover. I met Miss Rose, who was just as charming as everyone said she was, and who laid out a sumptuous feast of muesli (I ate the one with the least sugar, in case you were wondering), yoghurt (I took the one that I thought John didn’t want, and as soon as I opened it he swiped the mango one, so I know I got it right), fresh fruit, and a decent pot of coffee. Kate went early and John took me to town. I was worried when I saw that his car didn’t have a roof but fortunately it wasn’t raining. It was quite an old car with wood and leather and stuff inside, but just as good as a Toyota, Russell. Russell likes Toyotas for family reasons, but his boat isn’t a Toyota (maybe they don’t make boats), so he does buy other stuff. I checked my bags in town without even going to the hairypoirt, then followed John’s instructions on how to have a good time, which was to visit the peak, the tea ware museum, and the gardens. It was a tad hot (about 30 Celsius), so I was pleased the tram had good windows. I looked for snakes in the grass on the way up but didn’t see any, and marvelled at how clean everything was. Honkers is well organised, well cleaned, and well signposted. In fact as I stepped outside the airport check-in and looked around for a sign post, a local person of Oriental persuasion came up to me and asked if I wanted help. Fantastic – I felt very welcome in sunny Hong Kong, where all the locals had been on customer – tourism service training courses. There were signs everywhere telling me how to behave, but fortunately the requirements were more or less the same as in England. I had to mind the gap on the trains, not spit in drinking fountains (or anywhere else for that matter), not touch the birds in the aviary (that comes later, but I’ll tell you about it now for efficiency’s sake), not tempt people to commit crimes by letting my valuables peep out of my pocket or bag, not write on the walls nor climb the numbered slopes (more on that soon), nor stick my head out of the tram window. I felt very safe and protected. John explained to me that all the slopes are numbered in Hong Kong (imagine trying to do that at home!) so someone can keep an eye on them and make sure they aren’t losing their slopefulness. Also, I guess it means if a hill gets nicked, at least they know which one got stolen (‘has anyone seen slope no 3267 – it has gone from the drive to Repulse Bay – it was second on the left after lamp post 2387 (they are all numbered too - I guess Hong Kong must have been settled by Virgos at some stage). I got stuck at the first stall when I got off the tram, but didn’t buy anything, because as usual, I get bamboozled by the choice and opt out completely. I did quite like the jade lions and elephants but wasn’t sure who to give them to or where to put them, so I walked on past.

There were spectacular views from the top and it was an entertaining excursion going up and down the escalators to check out the views. I tried to do a walk up there but couldn’t find the one that John had recommended (there were only two that I could see, so I guess my karma wasn’t working, as I chose the wrong one). After the tram ride I visited the Hong Kong Bank and admired the Fu Dogs (lions) out front and took photos for future feng shui presentations. The HSBC was part of a feng shui war that was waged against the British and Americans – it was done by pointing the edges of the buildings at the consulate and embassy. Well the British and Americans have withdrawn from Hong Kong, so perhaps the war was successful. I walked around the aviary (not in the bank silly, in the park), the tea ware museum (the Chinese are very much into tea) and then pottered about the shopping mall until it was time to meet John for lunch. The shopping mall was expensive and mostly empty and reminded me of a duty free shopping centre but it was a lovely piece of architecture. I didn’t need any red shoes, silk shirts, perfumes, or a new handbag anyway. I met John at his office and admired his set of wigs (he’s into fantasy) and noted that he had plenty of reading material for quiet afternoons. He introduced me to some judges, which left me wondering if perhaps they had heard about my fantastic job as a juror a couple of years ago, and had asked John if he could casually walk me past them so they could meet me. I obliged of course, but made sure they didn’t photograph me. You can’t be too careful. John took me out for a lovely relaxing lunch and then to Kowloon, as he had to collect a watch from his favourite watch-maker there. As far as I was concerned I was going to China, and was very excited about that until he patiently explained about the border between China and Kowloon, gently taking me through the history of the area, and helping me come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to Beijing for the afternoon. My geography is appalling. Actually it was noticeably different to Hong Kong, with a bit of rubbish on the streets, aggressive street hawkers, junky shops, and less westerners. It was great. Some days I l love everything. I was interested to note that he used an Octopus card on the ferry and train (we went by boat and returned by train) –similar to the Oyster card in England. I guess if Auckland ever joins the club we’ll get Ostrich or Ovary cards, because all the seafood names will have gone by then.

I said my goodbyes quickly, which was just as well, as I was feeling sad to leave my beloved cousin and his wife, but we’llall turn up in the same place again soon, I am sure. He treated me to a wonderful introduction to Hong Kong, which I will always remember. I had never been terribly interested in visiting before, but he and Kate had been very persuasive, and others had said how much they enjoyed it, so I’m glad I went. I will linger longer next time.

I was intrigued to see many people wearing face masks. I assumed this was something to do with swine flu, but it might also have been because the locals find tourists funny and don't like to hurt their feelings by laughing openly. A face mask would hide that. I was also intrigued with the hotel room at the airport. Our hotels usually have several rooms and a bar, but this hotel had just one room, and not even a minibar that I could see. The Chinese are very strange.

Perhaps the highlight of my entire trip was being welcomed on to an Air New Zealand flight home, sipping Lindauer (my favourite tipple) and having two spare seats next to me in case I get tired. And to cap it all off, the stewardess went up and down the aisle saying ‘fush or chucken?’ How wonderful to feel at home even before being there. I slept, ate, and watched a great movie - Dean Spanley.

Though I felt grimey and tired when I got home, I admired the clear blue New Zealand sky and then had a cup of coffee with Rodney and talked about the way things are. It was Tuesday the 19th - as usual I had lost a day travelling but it was worth it overall.

16 May London

Katy and Sam visited in the morning. Katy (by her own admission) is definitely obsessed with Bella, and whipped her off upstairs to change her clothes. The problem was that Bella was attired completely in the clothes she wore last Saturday, and Katy, having an eye for detail and a memory for Important Matters, immediately recognised the potential fashion gaffe and rescued Bella in the nick of time. That is, before the press were admitted to the gallery. We languished and chatted and I learned how to chill out, which I am still not very good at. Sam was preoccupied with his B&Q purchasing responsibilities, and Kieran was preparing to watch some kind of game involving a ball.

Bella took Anna and me for a walk around Barnes Bridge, and eventually it was time to leave, so they drove me to Heathrow. Unfortunately, Bella had a little tummy upset and threw her lunch back all over the car seat and her clothes, which Katy had so thoughtfully chosen for her. I kept well away, not wanting to be contaminated with the smell for the next 12 hours or so. I was being passed from Saunders to Saunders – leaving Anna and Katy in London and going to John in Hong Kong.

I photographed them all, but the one of Anna was too dark, sdo I had to nick one from Bella's blog. I hope you like the shot of Katy and Sam pretending they live in Barnes Bridge.

The flight to Hong Kong was excellent, because I had a personal entertainment system. Anna and I had checked the day before, but I thought she was looking up ‘insect screen’ (instead of ‘in seat screen’), and couldn’t understand why I would need a mosquito net on a plane. I was becoming seriously worried about Lufthansa and even wished I had booked with Ryan Air. At least I would be able to save 49 cents on the tea with Ryan Air.

The plane was full but I was comfortable in my window seat. We stopped at Munich and once again I had the opportunity to see the brown cloud that hung over Europe and South East Asia. I was looking forward to going home, where the skies are blue and the air is fresh.

15 May Eastbourne to London

The conference finished around midday. I had given my two papers and done all the things that people do at conferences, including drinking too much coffee. Although I was offered a ride to the station with some friends, I decided to walk and enjoy the fresh Eastbourne air, in preparation for breathing London air later. I travelled with Erwin, who pointed out his old school as the train went past. We said goodbye at Clapham Junction, and I recited my favourite Clapham Junction poem for him. “If all the trains at Clapham Junction were suddenly to cease to function, all the people at the station would fail to reach their destination”. Perfectly true, if somewhat self-evident. I changed trains and got myself to Barnes Bridge, but when I got there I found the phone reception was just like in Stroud, so I couldn’t text Anna to meet me at the station. Nor could I pick up my email to her explaining the route I was going to take. In fact all I could get was GPS, so I used this to circumnavigate Barnes Bridge twice before I managed to run into her not far from where I originally started from. Perhaps my GPS thought I needed to walk off the desserts I had been eating at Eastbourne.

Anna had Bella Lonsdale Hayes with her, who is one of the cutest kids I have ever seen (nearly as cute as mine were at that age), so we chatted happily as we walked back to their house. I had seen it in its earlier incarnation as a building site, so it was great to see how it had emerged as a fully fledged house. Bella and I had quite a bit of catching up to do, as I hadn’t seen her since I was in Otaki, so we chatted for a while, and I told her about my trip, as she was too young to read my blog. Either that, or Anna and Kieran wouldn’t let her. It started raining towards end of the day time, and poor Kieran arrived home soaking wet, but he scooped up Bella and flung her into a bath and somehow disposed of her for the evening. Kieran is my absolutely favourite tall cousin-in-law living in London.

Anna had cooked up something delicious (I love visiting them – they will never get rid of me now) and Kieran poured me something delicious and somehow the evening disappeared into a pleasant miasma of wine and good food. I slept on the sofa bed and sunk into the kind of feather delight that I dreamed of when I checked into the London hotel in Stroud. I actually wondered if I would need scuba gear, the descent was so pleasant.

I hope you like the photo of Kieran showing us his guns.